Damn This World...

I don’t know. I really love spending time with her. If someone asks me why I am attracted to her, I got hundreds of reasons. No other woman had made me feel this way.

 

Her lips are so pink in color. Every other girl envied this part of hers. There is a talk among guys that nobody else’s lips are as ripe as hers. Perfectly shaped and curved. Looking into those lips itself is a great pleasure. But the best feature in her face is her smile. Her smile had captivated lots of guy’s desires in my class. The way she smiles is something worth watching.

 

I am very lucky to have her as a friend. I am the one who spends the most time with her in college. She is never attached to anyone else as the way she is to me. But does she know me? Does she understand me or my feelings? Does she that I love her?

 

I don’t think so.

 

Yeah, I am in love with her. Her smile, her gentle touch, her chatter, her cribbing, her excitements, her enthusiasm, the way she walks, the way she dances, the way she hum tunes, the way she gets angry, the way she play with kids, the way she handle people, her opinions, her eccentricities and what not.

 

Yeah, I am in love with her. Her sparkling eyes, her wide smile, her beautiful nose, her protruding lips, her perfectly curved body, her dressing sense, her smell, her voice, her hugs and what not?

 

Yeah, I am in love with her. But does she know that? She won’t ever realize how much I love her. Even if she realize she won’t understand me. She will never respect my feelings for her, my cravings for her, my desires to be with her, to be pampered by her, to pamper her, to be caressed by her. Never ever I can reveal my desire to spend my whole life with her, to make love with her.

 

Loving her is becoming a pain. A pain which I can never share with anyone else. Even if I share it will only elevate my pain. Damn this world. Nobody is there to understand to my feelings. Nobody is there to accept my feelings even if they understand.

 

After all in this society it is a taboo for a woman to have such feelings for other woman.

 

Damn this world !!

I Wish

I wish to open my eyes

And see you lying next to me

 

With your arms draped over me

With that naughty smile on your face

 

I wish, yeah, I wish…

I Was Lost

Lost Among All Mundane Activities

I was lost

Lost Among Intricacities Of Life

I was lost

Lost Among Strangulated Thoughts

I Was Lost

Lost Among Words Trying To Give Them A Meaning

And Suddenly Now I Realize

I Am Not Good At Poetry

Missed this blog-o-sphere. Wanted to come back. Missed all fellow bloggers writings. Whatever, this post is just to make sure that i still love my blog and want to live over here.

Friends, its time for me to catch up with all your blogs.

Unplanned Trip...

His mother was throbbing her chest heavily. Her voiced cracked while conversed on phone. After the first call she dialed his father’s number, then someone and then someone else and he could feel her voice very dampened. He didn’t understand anything but realized there was something to worry. He tried to prod his mother to tell what happened but all in vain. Maybe a six year old is not supposed to know that.

In half an hours time his father reached back at home. He had never seen him so early from office other than for his birthdays. By the time his mother had wrapped herself in some old Sari of hers. There were no traits of make ups on her face this time and he wondered how the hell in such a less time she got ready to go out. He don’t remember even one instance where his father hadn’t had waited for his mother to get ready for an outing.

“What about me. I am also coming.” He tried to get in with their plan. His mother looked at him helplessly; her eyes read and teary and her nose leaking a bit. The kerchief she used was almost wet and she started to use the tip of her saree too.

“No you are not coming. Play with your grandfather and grandmother”, his father quipped. Following that, came a pat of grandmother which irritated him. He loves to be with his old grandfather who got his white mustache polished everyday, every minute: but not today. He wanted to be with his mother. But what a six year old child can do. ‘This world is that of elders’ he thought.

After some five hours they came back. He asked where they had gone. Mom didn’t say much. She went to the bathroom. Her face was swelled upon. Again, this is the first time that his mother didn’t plant a kiss after coming back from an outing. He felt bad for his cheeks. He looked up to his father. He was there talking to the elders in a very hushed voice. He remembers his father doing talks in a hushed voice whenever he wanted to give any surprise to anyone; and always it flopped big time. A smile creaked for a second and he got a feeling there is some surprise in store.

“What happened, Papa?” He went near to his father and tried to stand on his feet. He always loves doing that. His father got long legs and it is always a fun to stand on his feet cuddling his legs. He could feel his father’s long fingers passing through his silky hair. He looked up his father’s face.

“My Superman”, his father started, “your sister Priya went for a trip. She didn’t even tell anyone of us. We don’t know why she went but now you won’t have her around you to play with. She won’t be there to play ‘hide and seek’ or ‘snake ladder’ and sing rhymes to you.

She was his best sister, his maternal aunt’s daughter. Long hair, wide smile, soft cheeks, magical fingers, lengthy skirts, golden nose ring, red bangles on her both hands; he used to love her presence. She used to make him sleep in peace at nights whenever she was here. But those things won’t be there anymore. That is what his father says to him. “But why?” he asked again and again. “She might be angry with us or may be she don’t love us.” By saying that, his father got up and headed to the bedroom.

He sat there only. Where would have she gone? With whom she might have gone? Why she hadn't told anyone before going? When is she going to return back? Or where should we go to meet her again? And what is this ‘suicide’ thing which he overheard his father saying to his grand father? He stood there thinking.

Shouted Aloud... :)

“Beep Beep”

The mobile screamed continuously. He tried to avoid the voice, no noise. But every three four minutes his mobile was crying for attention.

It was a very day yesterday for him. Long hours of grueling meetings and talks with clients had actually made him exhausted. And after coming home also he had to work till the wee hours of the day. For the first time he felt a day is made of 50 hours. Every minute he was longing for a relaxation from the schedules, hit the bed and sleep to glory. And finally when he did sleep at 6 am he had decided not to get up from the bed, the whole day.

Half asleep his hand searched for the mobile. Grasping it, he pulled back his hands under the comforts of the blanket. Laziness was at the heights. He didn’t feel like opening his eyes. He just clasped his hands lay over here. It was then when the mobile cried again. Fuming anger and frustration made him grip the mobile tighter. It was a Herculean task to open his eyes. That is when he realized there is nothing more heavily than them. He checked the mobile screen where an alert was waiting for him reading “23 messages unread: Read now?”

What the Fuck? 23 messages! What the hell happened to all? He slowly lay on his back. Adjusted his pillows to give his head a support; Surfed through the messages. Some read

Now what to do? Will have to reply everyone, 23 replies? Will type one single message and send it to many at a go. Hah! Thanks to all those technological advances Nokia is bringing, he thought.

He got up from his bed and headed to the bathroom. In three minutes he came out with a toothbrush in his mouth. The foam of the paste was slowly finding ways outside his mouth. He switched on his laptop lying down on the bed. He was expecting an important mail from one of his customer with whom he is trying to expand his business. 115 mails in the inbox! He was just shocked. It was just some 6 hours back he had cleared his entire inbox. 12 hours and 115 mails and that too on a holiday! Freak! He searched for the customer’s mail. It was somewhere lost in the heap of ‘deewali greetings’ messages. He got up and went on to the terrace.

The whole city was decorated with lighting..!! He checked his watch. It was almost 7 pm in the evening. One deewali is almost over. He looked at the skies. Even the Gods were celebrating it seems; Clear sky with streaks of long thin clouds. All were glittering reddish, as if retired-for-the-day Sun had illuminated them. Lots of birds were flying here and there and lots of crackers too illuminated the sky. He felt relaxed.

Each and every street was illuminated. Flashy dancing lights were on their best. Only smiles and happiness floated in the air.

He stood there. Something started flashing in front of eyes. 23 Messages…115 Mails… Oh No! I need to reply to them, he thought. The day is getting to over and I can’t give an excuse of work and sleep to these people who cared to message or mail on this occasion. But, How? He was clueless. He wished there will be some technology by which he can just shout the greetings and it will be delivered to everyone he loves and cares about. Just some satellite connectivity which will capture his words and safely deliver to his dear ones.

He smiled at himself for his weird thoughts. He turned back to get the laptop. Just for a moment he felt his legs not allowing getting back. He stopped trying and then came to the edge of balcony. With all his energy, with all his care, with all his love and with all his power he screamed aloud

HAPPY DEEWALI DEAR FAMILY ! !

HAPPY DEEWALI DEAR FRIENDS ! !

His blood veins had almost popped out from his neck. His face turned blood red. His eyes sparkled. He looked around. A small smile bloomed over his face. He looked into the vast sky imagining some satellite capturing his waves and delivering it to his dear one!!

He again shouted

HAPPY DEEWALI TO ALL..!!!!

The sound waves echoed throughout..!

Doctor.com

“Check the site doctornet.uk.com”, a rough voice bounced over him.

Abhinav turned back. It was his project manager Batra. A stout person, he was just behind him holding a coffee mug in one hand and a burger in the other. Without wasting an iota of time he closed all messenger windows which were open on his desktop. The social network sites were minimized.

Calling back what his boss had asked him to do; he clicked on the Mozilla explorer, the new downloaded web browser. He was happier to operate with that than the old fashioned Internet Explorer. He typed in the title bar and checked for the site.

“Abhinav, I want you to open Doctor.com” Batra sounded impatient.

Abhinav stared at the monitor. He read what he had written. ‘docter.com’. One thing was confirmed. There is some mistake in what he had written. What the fuck? Now how this hell word spells? His fingers moved through the keyboards aimless. He recalled the day when his English teacher scolded him for making mistake in the spelling of ‘Friend’. He forgot to add ‘i’ into the word. His word ‘Frend’ also was sounding the same. He forced himself to think harder. Is it an ‘e’ or an ‘a’ in the word my project manager want? He asked himself.

Abhinav, don’t waste time. Just check it out –DOCTOR.com. This time Batra stressed more on the word.

24 years of age. Right from Kindergarten I am having problem with letters. I never understand where to use vowels. He completed high schooling facing all taunts from teachers. Engineering was completed with high flying colours but still he realized he was many a times a laughing stock due to this problem of his.

With all guts, he once again wrote ‘Doctar.com’. ‘Oh my beloved God, help me out from this situation. Please evolve in front of me as the alphabet which should be actually befitted into the word after‘t’ and before ‘r’, he prayed. Sweat drops emerged on his face from all the pores.

20 years of repeated conscious efforts to improve this problem of his had created a kind of I-Hell-Give-A-Damn attitude towards this. Though initially he always used to feel embarrassed for his silly mistakes, in a later stage he covered all those with his academic performances. He cleared his 12th exams scoring high marks, joined engineering and finally completed masters in business management.

“Abinav, what’s happening? What the hell are you typing? Are you on grass? It is D-O-C-T-O-R.com what I want.” Batra sounded much psyched out. He spelled each alphabet separately and his voice echoed the whole cubicle. Abhinav didn’t feel like looking at others. ‘What will be others thinking about him? An MBA graduate who don’t know the spelling of a very common word. A word, which we start hearing from the age memories are imprinted in our brain.’ He felt like diving deep into some ocean or just running fast to some thick dense forest.

Abhinav typed on the screen, ‘doctor.com’, this time perfectly as dictated by his mentor. Some web page got opened. Batra came forward and checked the site. Clicked here and there, and made his way back to his cabin. Abhinav sat there aghast with a hangdog expression. Some of his colleagues came to him.

One of them kept patting him behind. Abhinav got up from his chair. “Yeah, I do have some problem with vowels. I always make mistakes when words with vowels are written. Now what the fuck I can do about it? I am facing this very bloody problem from the bloody start of my life, from the time I got memories, from the time when I know what bloody fucking thing a language is. Yeah I got some confusion with few letters in my mother tongue and with English too. I tried my best to change that problem, but the bloody hell it hounds me like a dick head, many a times putting me in an awkward position. Now why the hell you people are behind me. Just for another mother fucking laughing stock” Abhinav sat back on his chair. He took the pen in his hand and started twirling in between his fingers.

Everyone surrounding him sat silent.

“Hey, chill man. That’s not a unique problem. We all know you are the best. Its just a small imperfection.” Sidharth, his friend, murmered.

It was a total silence in the cubicle.

Life...

The moment the flight landed he couldn’t wait for the door to open. He had already unfastened his seat belt and impatiently waited on the aisle. The beautiful air hostesses were waiting for the door to open. The red skirted girls were looking beautiful if not ‘HOT’, he thought. While he waited there impatiently the door opened and he rushed towards it. Stepping down the stairs he sensed the smell of his motherland.

While waiting for the luggage he threw his eyes towards the gate. After a round of gaze, much to his delight he found his sweetheart, his better-half waiting over there, outside the glass walls. When their eyes met each other he could feel an upheaval of joy beaming out from his body.

He got into the Mercedes that was waiting outside for them. The driver helped him load his luggage back into the dickey. “What happened to the new BMW? He asked. “Your sister had gone to meet her friend in that, sir” the driver said politely. Settling on the back seat with his lady, he felt very relaxed. Holding her hands, sitting very close to her he dabbed his lips on her smooth cheeks. The touch itself had made her cheeks turn rosy.

In front of the huge iron gates they waited. As the security guard opened the gate, the Merc moved in. Along side the garden the vehicle headed towards the palatial white bungalow. When the vehicle reached the parking space two servants came running towards the car. The doors were opened for them. Both of them got down from the car and headed towards house. “Keep the luggage in my room” he ordered them.

Entering the colossal living room, he saw his father watching something on the television. Heading towards his change room, he asked for something to eat and drink. He was very hungry. He entered his dress change room and removed his blazer. The temperature here is getting worse year by year, he thought. Switching on the a/c he untied the tie, unbuttoned the shirt and unhooked the belt. He entered the adjacent bathroom, had a shower and came out in a silky towel. Drops of water were still on his body. There she was waiting for him. “The food is ready”. He went near to her and held her close. “You are wet.” She removed his towel and tried to dry his body. “I will make you too wet, don’t you want?” he giggled. Blushing, she threw the towel on him and headed towards the door. “Come dressed up, I will be waiting for you near the table, your food is ready”, she smiled coyly. He opened the cupboard, got a night dress out from many. This one was the one he had picked up from London, in his last business trip.

The table was full of dishes. Right from his favourite chicken items to fish items and even mutton. The vegetarian dishes also were there but he didn’t check which all were there. A bottled of chilled champagne also was there. His mother came down and sat besides him. He planted a kiss on her cheeks. Her face was gleaming with happiness. After the food he headed back towards the living room. His father was watching some movie in which South Indian superstar Mohanlal was acting his guts out with comedy. Greeting his father he settled in his two lakh worth cushion. “How is the system” he asked. His father gestured with his hands which meant ‘Superb’. He sat there content. Paying seven lakhs for the home theatre system including the plazma television didn’t go waste.

Bidding a good night to his dad he went to his bedroom. He reached near the bed, the one he had specially imported from Italy. He jumped on to that bed and slipped into the blanket. She was taking a bath inside the bathroom. He switched on his music sytem which he had brought from New York splurging more than 12000 $. Jim Morrison was playing in the player. In some time she came out. He stared at her. After a shower she always looked more stunning. He got from the bed and took steps towards her.

“Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg”

He banged the alarm and made it stop crying. Opened his eyes. He didn’t get out from the blanket. Lying down on his back he stared the ceiling. The plaster of the roof had cracks running down in a particular pattern. The old ‘Orient’ fan was doing its job with a buzzing sound as if it was tired running the whole night.

He removed the blanket; sat on the bed. His lips nurtured a smile. He stared the banyan tree which was visible outside his almost dilapidated house through the windows which bore broken glasses. He got up from his bed, which made squeaking voices and was shaking.

“What a wonderful dream” he thought and headed towards bathroom in his boxers.

“Shit”, he fussed. The geyser needs a repair. The water was so chilled which can bring anyone back to full senses.

Changed Strategy...

It’s always like this. He had never reached the railway station without all those last minutes hurry ups. When he reached the station the announcements were echoing all over the platform. He checked the list and hurried to the second platform. The train was there ready to leave. It looked like a big python.

Before entering his couch he checked the reservation list which was hanging outside the door. He was delighted to see his name, Anup Tiwari. He looked all around as if his name was there in some national newspaper only to realise that no body was bothered. Laughing at himself, he took his baggage and jumped inside the couch. Suddenly, something pulled him back. He checked the list once again, who all are going to come in his cabin.

Seat Name Age Gender From To
S8-37 Ram Prakash 54 M LTT KKDI
S8-38 Jagadamba Kadam 48 F LTT KKDI
S8-39 Archana Sahoo 34 F LTT RHA
S8-40 Meera Shah 22 F PNVL TCR
S8-41 Rajesh P 37 M RTGI ERS
S8-42 Jagdeesh Pujari 39 M RTGI ERS
S8-43 Anup Tiwari 24 M LTT MDGN
S8-44 Mangal Sahoo 37 M LTT RHA

His eyes then got stuck on one name, Meera, his eyes glinted happiness. But the boarding was after two stations.

He reached his birth, a side lower birth. He kept his baggage beneath the seat and settled. His eyes scanned all the passengers in that cabin. Next to him there was a man with a thick moustache, maybe in his mid thirties. ‘How boring it will be to travel 1500 kilometres with this guy’, he thought. An old man was reading a magazine, oblivion to the world outside the train in the platform. The lady who was sitting beside him was looking much younger though, enough to be his daughter or daughter in law. Anup stared at her; she was stacking their baggage here and there. Twelve baggages, he counted. There was a not-so-bad-looking female sitting by the window seat. Wearing a big round bindi on her forehead, she seemed to have befriended solitude for this trip, if not for life long.

He sighed! This trip is going to be boring unless berth number 40 hosts a smart girl. ‘Meera Shah, sounds Gujarati!’ He thought. More than her name it was her age that excited him. Only two year younger to him, he imagined her like a mirage. Various prospective faces of Meera flashed through his mind, together with thoughts involving how to impress her to gain her friendship and flirt with her till destination.

The train started its journey with all its passengers. The sleeper class he was in was almost full. Tea and coffee vendors went here and there shouting their product, serving and collecting money.

“Do you mind to exchange your seat with my wife’s ticket? It’s a window seat.” The husky voice from the moustached man interrupted his imaginations about his yet-to-be-befriended friend Meera. “Yeah, no issues”, the answer was quick since this time his brain worked faster than a supercomputer. The tough, rough moustached person was giving an offer to sit near berth number 40, Meera’s seat. He wanted to jump with joy. Recalling the award for the best actor in his school days, he made a so-so face in front of him. He exchanged the seat and watched the couple sitting together in the side berth. “Happy for you, I will somehow manage over here’ was the expression on his face. He only knows there was huge crackling joy bursting inside him.

When the train slowed down at panvel he took a position nearby the door. Each passenger entering and exiting were under his eagle eyes but no one cleared the criteria of a 22 year old beautiful lady with all those womanly features to the perfect as he had imagined. Suddenly a face caught his attention. Wheat colour face, black, straight and silky hair, she wore a beautiful smile. Her eyes were green which excited him and her lips were rose in colour, wide and full! The ear brows were perfectly shaped and the nose ring adorned her totally. Wearing jeans with a pearl white shirt, she was nothing less than a movie actress. She was far above from what he imagined. ‘The entire trip is going to rock!’ he thought. Flirting which is his forte is going to be the main weapon.

That is when he saw something odd; something he missed because of his excitement. A kid, maybe in his second year after birth, trying to tug at his mothers arm. Before the train started moving she raised the kid and placed him on her hips. Both waved to those who came to see off them. After few seconds she took her luggage and headed inside to settle in her berth.

Anup stood there standstill.
“Strategies should be changed” he thought with a grin.

Am Sorry...

He kept his mobile aside. Every one minute he passed a glance over it. Confirmed there was no call missed. He was feeling restless. He turned here and there on the bed. He closed his eyes and covered his head down below the pillow. The noise of fan was piercing his ears. He tightened the grip of pillow over himself. He twined his legs. Two minutes past that he threw the pillow towards the door. Got up from the bed and got hold of the cigarette packet. He lit one fag in a jiffy. Smoke tunneled from him like from a steam engine. He verified the mobile once again. The wrinkles on his face were showing the frustration. He went to the bathroom to get a leak. A drop or two; There was nothing more to come. Flushed the toilet and came back to the room, slamming the door.

He took his mobile in hand, dialed the short dial number. He saw screen showing her name. It read ‘Calling Babez’, it read. Before getting connected he canceled the call. A deep sigh came out from him. He kept the mobile back, crawled back into the bed. He tried to close his eyes tight. Few minutes went by. He got up back and looked at the mobile. It was lying there silent, unmoved, as if this was not the first time all these are happening. He felt each second passing like decades.

Two minutes. The mobile started ringing. He grabbed it quickly and checked the name. It was her only. He kept it back. The rings went on and then dead. The screen showed ‘1 Missed Call’. He stared at the mobile. It again started ringing. One ring, second ring, third, fourth and so on. Before it got dead he jumped and got the mobile, his fingers pressed the button. The call was on.

“I am sorry”, a sweet trembled voice filled with grief whispered.

A moment of pause.

“No, I am sorry” He said.

Another moment of silence, but this was a sweet one.

Both smiled, burgeoning to laughter.

It take only few words to melt down the tension resulted from a fracas.

Tag

Tag is something i never had tried. This time i am tagged by two friends of mine in this blog-o-sphere, D and Chakoli. I started this blog only to publish my creations. I thought, through that i can reach to more people. So initially tags were never in my agenda. Now also i am not that comfortable with this 'tag' thing. Anyways i cant disrespect my friends and i dont have a story to tell. So here i am with a tag...

This tag is named love tag..!!

RULE #1 : People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 : Tag 6 people to do this quiz and they cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will be your first thought?
What made her betray me…Its impossible..!!

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
That my all dreams actually come true, one by one..!!

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
Avoidance

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Build a business which can create another 100 billionaires.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I did.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone…I Am blessed..!!

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Anytime, until and unless she says she won’t be ever coming back.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Just will keep watching and will like her more for what she is….

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
My girlfriend. .in some beautiful locale with a minimum of five romantic songs..!!

I don’t mind if that movie goes flop also..!!

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Terrorism

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

An entrepreneur.

12. Whats your fear?

Practically nothing..!!

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
D: Sensible Woman

Chakoli: Funny And Extrovert & interesting.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
I don’t have my option in the list. Out of the given, maybe single and rich.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Blame my alarm… And then check out for newspaper..!!

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Confusing question…Depends on the relationship with whom..!!

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
The one who loves me back…

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Definitely… I had done many a times..!!

19. If you get to go back in time and fall in love all over again , would it still be with the same person?
What if the numbers of persons are in plural?

Jokes apart, definitely..

20. List 6 people to tag
Anyone who got nothing to post creative…And Anyone who finds this tag interesting..!!